Posts Tagged ‘Valentine’s Day’

RESOLVED: Valentine’s Day Is Not “Designed To Make You Feel Bad”

February 12, 2009

The big day is less than 40 hours away and sad-sackery has reached fever pitch. Time to put down the Chubby Hubby, people!

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It happens every year. January rolls into February, and almost overnight millions of American singles – both men and women – become walking Cathy cartoons. Those afflicted are easy to spot, violently wincing through the greeting card aisle of their nearby pharmacy; crying at work when you ask a question like “any special plans?” or “so what’s new?” As February nears its mid-point, symptoms worsen. They avoid most public settings. Like bulls, the color red drives them to near madness. The fast-approaching low point is usually dictated by gender, women hitting the ice cream freezer and settling in for a Gilmore Girls marathon; men grabbing a sixer of Coors and the just-released Swimsuit Issue. Either way, both camps “want to effing die.”

The cause of this epidemic? Valentine’s Day. Or “that holiday Hallmark invented.” Or “that conformist celebration of commodified puppy love.” Or “why do you have a boyfriend and I don’t?” Your loudly depressed friend could go on for days.

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