Posts Tagged ‘The Rapture’

What’s the Deal with The Rapture?

May 20, 2011

It’s important to begin any kind of discussion of tomorrow’s foretold event with one clarification: the world isn’t going to end on May 21st, 2011.

…It’s going to end five months LATER, after the pious and penitent have had time to settle into their new Heavenly digs and the rest of us are too deep into football season (if it happens) to really care too much. Jesus is nothing if not one for delivering the unexpected encore!

But what is the Rapture? Will God’s chosen be pulled to Heaven on a ray of alien light, drawn skyward as though by tractor beam? Will they simply drop dead at the dinner table, parted from their weak manflesh? Are there some other heretofore un-imagined means by which they’ll be transported to their final reward? No one knows! Which makes the Vegas odds on this thing something of a disaster, but the countdown to 6pm — when it’s all supposed to go down — that much more captivating. If God’s hand literally scoops His elect people off the streets and into white satin robes and non-alcoholic beer, I am going to be a VERY RICH MAN for my last five months on Earth.

Keep reading!