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Posts Tagged ‘The Future Is Now’

You’ve Got Mail 2: You Don’t Got Mail

September 8, 2011

So the US Postal Service is on the verge of default. Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? With $5.5 billion owed to various pension funds and an ever-decreasing mail volume only making things worse, those dog-hating shorts-wearing deliverers of good and bad news are facing a pretty epic crisis. The White House is proposing a plan that would give USPS another three months to get their house in order, but no matter what the eventual outcome — jobs cut, Saturday service eliminated, the whole thing just shut down — it won’t be anything but a dramatic overhaul for a longstanding, indispensable American institution.

In some ways the (maybe) death of traditional mail was always bound to happen. Letters, for all their charm and sincerity, take time and effort to compose that today’s harried businessperson has NO TIME FOR. At this point many of us, especially those of us named DJ Steve, have adjusted to digital newspapers and magazines. Then you’ve got bills. Why pay them with pens and stamps and…licking when you can accomplish the same goal with a few keystrokes? Just like mp3s have all but killed physical music, so too did the dawn of email signal the end for its stamped-and-addressed cousin. All things must die. Cue the music!

…Of course it’s highly likely that, in true Congressional nail-biter fashion, the mail system will be saved or at least put on life support at the last minute and we won’t need to convert our mailboxes to compost bins. Which would be nice, because mail is nice. Has anyone in the history of ever (focus on years 1993-present) complained that they like the hand-written note and all, but it would have been a lot better in email form? Doubtful! And if they did, that person’s one of those deliberately contrarian jerks and what are you doing even writing him anyway? Get a better pen pal!

IN SUMMATION: the future is now and the world is changing but hopefully we can hold onto some standbys from the past, because not everything needs to be Back to the Future self-lacing shoes and Dippin’ Dots.

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A Letter to My Unborn Class of 2011 Graduate

May 17, 2011

Dear Sir or Ma’am,

Sometime today, or tomorrow, or one day over the next few weeks, you will graduate from your liberal arts college. Shortly afterwards you’ll be taken to a nice restaurant by your parents, spend one last night partying with your friends, and by all accounts live out some variation of a Dave Matthews song. Six hours later, hungover, you’ll unceremoniously pack up a car or U-Haul and drive to wherever’s next. It could be Chicago; it could be Hoboken. Wherever it is, it’s the FUTURE and something for which neither your Kierkegaard seminar nor advanced pottery workshop could possibly prepare you. With or without honors, you are now a lamb to the slaughter.

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Haiku Review: ‘Avatar’

April 26, 2010

Lifting Fog continues its (belated) Academy Awards countdown roundup today with a review of another Best Picture nominee (…loser): HMFIC James Cameron’s ‘Avatar.’ “We see you,” jerks!

Story? …Just enough.
But who cares! Special effects
Will make you shit bricks

and
So is it Star Wars
For a new generation?
I mean kind of, but…

Say what you will about G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, but 2009 was a pretty great year for movies. And across the board, too: boundary-pushing sci-fi in District 9; the (hilarious!) revisionist history of Quentin Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds. The Hurt Locker, Precious, Watchmen, Up. (500) DAYS OF SUMMER?!? Really just one of the more thoroughly satisfying — and amazingly diverse — array of films assembled in recent memory. We’re spoiled. But one movie unquestionably stands out even in that accomplished crowd, a movie that pushed the technological edge of filmmaking farther than it’s ever gone and silenced critics (…including me) who had written it off as “that Ferngully sequel” months before its release. The movie in question, of course, is Avatar, directed by a guy so ego-maniacal even his baseball cap seems to YELL at you. And while the story isn’t much, there’s no denying one thing: it sure looks great in blue.

Now hop into that Avatar-linking neuro-chamber and let’s GO.

Lifting Fog: A Look Ahead

September 21, 2009

In which we (I) fail once again to produce an actual post, but talk about posts that are coming soon. I swear. I’m really not kidding, guys.

It’s easy to talk. We all say absurd things we can’t possibly back up; make outrageous claims that, given a quick Google search, will most assuredly be proven false. The bulk of us are liars and snake oil salesmen, wrapping our fiction in pretty bows and winking to the audience as we sell a load of crap to naive, trusting townsfolk.

But that is not Lifting Fog*!

We may not be much for consistency — I think I wrote eight times this summer? — but we are truth-tellers through and through, dedicated to fulfilling our promises no matter how long or hard-fought the road to publication. And now, with summer bottling up its last golden rays, the time seems more fitting than ever to let you in on our forthcoming stabs at blog satisfaction. A look ahead:

Haiku Reviews of Inglourious Basterds, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Funny People, and Up. “But aren’t all of those movies, like, out of theaters?” Umm, aren’t the DVDs coming out soon? TIMELY.

“The Great NYC Burger Tour,” first announced…half a year ago, will be kicking off with write-ups of M2M, Corner Bistro, and Shake Shack. A feast for the eyes! Or something!

But wait, there’s more! (After the jump!)

Facelifting Fog

September 14, 2008

Hold up. If you’re looking at your screen right now wondering “who took a dump on my favorite blog EVR?”, well, don’t – Lifting Fog is just undergoing a bit of cosmetic surgery. Fresh off a WordPress “Upgrade” frenzy, we’ll be under the knife for the next few days as I attempt (armed with vast stores of COMS W1004 – Introduction to Computer Programming in Java knowledge) to beautify the site. Quaint worked for us, sure, but couple an expanding readership with a pair of swollen egos and it was only a matter of time before we kicked this shit into hyper-drive. Punch it, Chewie! Expect new colors and graphics – hell, maybe interactive flash animations! – to supplement what was already at least the second-best Fog/Page-related web experience available. Visibility is improving.

UPDATE #1: Photoshop Maestro DJ Steve has designed a truly kick-ass banner for the site. Part Lion King poster, part church pamphlet, the new graphic certainly grabs the eye more than the previous placeholder and, I think, really captures the essence of Lifting Fog: over-the-top melodrama.

UPDATE #2: Lifting Fog is operating in a post-Labor Day world, so we thought it would be best to doff our white robes and slip into something more seasonally appropriate. “Dusklight gray” (Editor’s note: this is not a real color) seems to suit us.

Any suggestions? Ways we could organize the site better? Drop us a line in the comments section below!