Posts Tagged ‘God’

The Great NYC Burger Tour: Prologue

April 1, 2009

Eons ago, when the very sky was but a thought and the astral plane black, enveloping, God gave shape to the first cheeseburger – a succulent beef patty housed in a toasted bun and garnished with one of a variety of cheeses. “Chaisse-Bergord,” He called it, after his favorite Supernova. Like thunderbolts he thrust on this form lettuce, tomato, onions, and ketchup, rendering His creation a portable slice of heaven. (He had recently invented portability, too.) Fries and a coke? Yea, a backup choir of angels.


Not content to merely bestow upon man, another of His creations, the cheeseburger to which He had so awesomely given life, God deigned His most favorite culinary delight in the shape of recipes and oral traditions diffused over endless earth. No burger shaped by man, ignorant of the cosmic dance above, would match His for vitality and joy; for splendor and juiciness. Should one by chance replicate that which was birthed in the Heavens, well… that was not going to happen. No, man could not conjure such a burger.


The search for that most perfect of burgers begins anon…

You’ve Seen His Movies, Now See Tom Hanks Unravel The Fabric of Time

March 5, 2009

One of my favorite lines in the Simpsons Movie comes when Tom Hanks makes a guest starring appearance, urging American citizens to visit the ‘new grand canyon’ in the place where Springfield used to be, after being destroyed by the government. How prescient (3x world score!) this scene now seems, given that word has leaked in the geekosphere that Hanks will be turning on the repaired Large Hardron Collider come June. For those of you who are unfamiliar, you need only check this post to get a sense of what this is and what it could mean.

Oh… do tell!

Monday Afternoon Quickie

August 25, 2008

I write today from an office of sorts and a job of sorts. Not phone sex, like my high school superlative predicted I’d fall into, but something more unexpected. Irony of ironies, I’m the temporary assistant coach of the Columbia Men’s Swim Team. I emphasize “temporary.” I’ll be out when Jim Bolster finds a more permanent replacement for Eric Scheingoltz, or when my paperwork is filed and I can work for 30 Rock, or when I (accidentally) burn Dodge Fitness Center down. Whichever comes first.

With mountains of paperwork to sift through and a steady stream of enthusiastic freshmen stopping by to say hello, there hasn’t been much time to write a Monday masterpiece. Don’t worry, I’ve got big plans for the rest of the week: Part Two of “Adventures in Public Transportation: Gambler’s Express” should be done soon, along with posts about China (the whole thing), hipsters, Batman (shocking), and another up-and-coming-band-you-should-totally-check-out-if-you-want-to-be-cool. But today, in place of something more substantive, I offer one of my favorite YouTube “re-cut” movie trailers. I know I’ve done this for more than a few Mondays now – maybe this should be my “thing” at the start of every week? Anyway:

Separation of church and state my ass. Anyone seen any similar trailers recently? I’m a big fan of “Journey AT The Center of the Earth.”