Posts Tagged ‘Creation Myths’

The Great NYC Burger Tour: Prologue

April 1, 2009

Eons ago, when the very sky was but a thought and the astral plane black, enveloping, God gave shape to the first cheeseburger – a succulent beef patty housed in a toasted bun and garnished with one of a variety of cheeses. “Chaisse-Bergord,” He called it, after his favorite Supernova. Like thunderbolts he thrust on this form lettuce, tomato, onions, and ketchup, rendering His creation a portable slice of heaven. (He had recently invented portability, too.) Fries and a coke? Yea, a backup choir of angels.


Not content to merely bestow upon man, another of His creations, the cheeseburger to which He had so awesomely given life, God deigned His most favorite culinary delight in the shape of recipes and oral traditions diffused over endless earth. No burger shaped by man, ignorant of the cosmic dance above, would match His for vitality and joy; for splendor and juiciness. Should one by chance replicate that which was birthed in the Heavens, well… that was not going to happen. No, man could not conjure such a burger.


The search for that most perfect of burgers begins anon…