Archive for the ‘“Sports”’ Category

“Drunk And Stupid Is No Way To Go Through Life, Son”

August 28, 2008

… Guess that guy didn’t get the memo. In an exquisite (if slightly dated – sorry!) photo report, Gawker shows that George W. Bush, expert back-slapper and 43rd President of the United States of America, still knows how to party his red, white, and blue balls off. And this was only during competition! $100 says he really did do a keg stand with Shawn Johnson after the All-Around.

Thanks to Mark Krotov for the link. God Bless America!

"George, it's - you know what, forget it."

Potpourri (2 of 2)

August 28, 2008

More free association, this time around post-competition whoopie in the now empty Olympic Village and the crowning of that perfect Summer ’08 jam. Keep your arms and legs close to your body as you tumble further down the rabbit hole of my mind – it only gets weirder from here.

1) “You Sure You’re 16?” “Beijing Boom-Boom”

“Usain Bolt, you’ve just run the fastest 100m and 200m sprints in recorded history! What are you going to do now?” “I’m heading back to the Village and grabbing, like, 45 condoms. Then I’m going to have sex for two days!” “Heh-heh. But, uh, Disney World later – right, Thunder Bolt?” “If I can stand up straight. Really, I’ve got a pretty full schedule.” Honesty… pass it on. According to Matthew Syed of the London Times, the Olympic Village is a sex-fest on par with the naughtiest scenes in Caligula or Planet Earth. It makes sense. After months of carefully tuning their bodies for peak performance, athletes’ libidos are out of control. These are beautiful people, too (or at the very least, butterfaces or butHISfaces), marble sculpted men and women in the best shape of their lives. In an enclosed space. Far from home.

A swinging explosion is inevitable. More?

Potpourri (1 of 2)

August 27, 2008

I apologize in advance for the randomness of what you’re about to read (although maybe you won’t now!). This may well be the most incoherent post I’ve yet written, but my mind’s in a million places right now and to attempt to wax philosophical on any one subject would be futile. Hillary. Phillies. Olympic Village sex. Kid Rock. This one’s random access like woah, so hold onto the belt of the kid in front of you as you prepare to read. BETTER STUFF TOMORROW, I SWEAR ON THE PRECIOUS.

1) Hillary Rodham Clinton

Great speech. Great suit. And we’re all glad you’re finally publicly committed to the unification of the Democratic Party. Good lookin’ out. But it’s really, really time to go home now. Party leaders have been beyond generous in their Clinton appeasement at this convention. Speaker after speaker has extolled your courage, your devotion to health care reform, and your remarkable 3 AM phone answering abilities. Remember how you only “suspended” your campaign without formally ending it? Tonight, your “troops” will be given the option of casting their votes for you during roll call. Beyond generous… and more than enough. Don’t get me wrong, Hillary – I have tremendous respect for you and all that you’ve accomplished (and I think your political future is far from over), but this hasn’t been your show for a while now. It’s Barack O’Clock. More?

U.S. Track Sprinters: Olympic Sad Sacks

August 22, 2008

Good grief. In an Olympics where some things have gone so right for the United States (Michael Phelps’ unprecedented EIGHT GOLD MEDALS; Nastia Liukin’s and Shawn Johnson’s back and forth winning performances; Beach Volleyball SWEEP) it’s inevitable that some things would go, well, so wrong. The track team – specifically the sprinters – has borne the brunt of this shitty luck, best exemplified by tonight’s semis disqualification of both the men’s and women’s 4x100m relays. Each team was on to pace to advance to the finals until the last leg, when shoddy fundamentals sent their batons falling to the ground. Said women’s anchor Lauryn Williams, “maybe somebody somewhere has a voodoo doll on the United States.” I’m no astute judge of Track & Field, but everything I’ve read suggests their disqualifications were entirely avoidable; caused by mistakes you correct in high school. Still, you can’t help but feel sorry for a team just having a series of bad days. More?

NY Times Says Phelps More Horse Than Man

August 13, 2008


He can and will eat your children.

He can and will eat your children.

People claim he’s from the future. That his body is the closest thing to a perfect swimming machine ever conceived. In the last two days, I’ve told friends that he’s “less a mortal being than a god on Mt. Olympus” and “someone who defies my (admittedly weak) understanding of physics.” The general sense is that Michael Phelps has graduated to a league entirely his own; that he can no longer be compared to any human athlete, alive or dead. The New York Times decided to kind of run with that idea. Read how after the jump!

It Is SO On

July 27, 2008

The Mets/Phillies rivalry can’t exactly compare to that which exists between Boston and New York but has grown in recent years to become something pretty exciting to watch. Press conference boasts, traded players, and hot-headed fans have all contributed to the mounting intensity felt when these two teams meet. Handled with care, rivalries can electrify a team and propel players toward new competitive heights. Guided by less than sure hands, well…

“They crossed the line.” “You crossed the line first, sir. You squeezed them, you hammered them. And in their desperation they turned to a man they didn’t fully understand.” (more…)

Phils Are Straight OG

July 24, 2008

I’m rarely a “sports guy” in any real sense (ask me the rules of football) but my predilection for drama leads me inadvertently to root for a few teams who keep it real. Basketball teams. Football teams. When winter melts the cold streets of South Philly, though, and that unmistakable cheesesteak scent washes over the area, I know my favorite team is ready to do business. It’s Phillies season, baby. I would never claim ULTIMATE FAN status, but I’m no ignorant girlfriend at the park, either. I know lineups, depth charts, standings. Occasionally, despite my general fear of numbers, I manage to tuck in a few stats, too. What keeps me a Phillies fan more than athletic prowess, though, is their sense of heart and community. Will Edmondson will never admit to this, but it’s two things that keep them the winning (or tied) team they are:

  1. They’re not afraid to claim victory when they can smell it.
  2. They all actually like each other
Case in point:

… Yes, it’s retarded, but awesomely retarded. Ryan Howard and Jimmy Rollins, back-to-back NL MVPs spitting hot fire like The Fresh Prince and DJ Jazzy Jeff, baseball kings in the City of Brotherly Love. And they’re having a good time; they’re clearly enjoying themselves. That’s why they’re successful. Mets fans, you can keep your Jose Reyes Spanish lessons (“mi brazo es un cañon!”) and general reggaeton bullshit. The pennant returns to the Illadelph in October.

One final word: Billy Wagner is a piece of shit.