I’ll take it as inconclusive proof of having maybe growed my ass up that I was unaware until just a few minutes ago of this latest prank craze to squeeze through the American youth pipeline, “Coning,” which entails 1) buying a drive-through ice cream cone from McDonald’s then 2) grabbing the dessert by the ice cream, not the cone, while 3) the employee handing it to you stands there befuddled. If it sounds like something your Philly Blunts-smoking cousin who’s big into car modding might do, that’s because it is.
What?! It doesn’t even make sense as a prank. YOU’RE the one out an ice cream cone. YOU’RE the one with sticky fingers. Maybe the cashier gives you that “whuuuh?” look you clearly crave, but you’re just as likely to have the poor employee (rightfully) yell at you for being such an annoying ass. If a prank’s object is pulling one over on the other party, then coning barely satisfies the not-that-stringent requirements of the word! You guys are doing it ALL WRONG.
In light of other short-lived fads like icing and planking, very clearly the sputtering (sputtered?) US job market has afforded today’s youth WAY TOO MUCH F*CKING FREE TIME. Aren’t there after-school programs for everyone to attend? Instead of making life more miserable than it already is for McDonald’s employees, you could plant a tree! Write a Huffington Post article! Even dodgeball, which is the worst, is a better use of your time than any of the above “-ing”* activities. Take it from someone who knows, kids.
* “Henning” remains a popular and well-intentioned national pastime.