Thursday afternoon the US Department of Agriculture, working alongside known Communist Michelle Obama, threw away the solid-as-a-rock Food Pyramid we’ve all known since First Grade and replaced it with a redesigned model: a food plate, “MyPlate,” that streamlines the American nutritional message. USDA Deputy Director of the Center for Nutrition Policy and Promotion Robert C. Post says they hope this new model will lead to the “behavior changes…we really need.” But are they changes we really want? And at what cost?
GONE are the colorful images of cereal (grains) reminding us that TV’s Jerry Seinfeld was, for all his sins, a consciously healthy eater; nowhere to be found are the peanuts and saltines and cheese blocks so paramount to our childhood growth, and parties. In their place now are colored pie slices, not even properly aligned, that serve only to confuse the discerning food shopper. Sure, green vegetables everyone gets. But blue dairy? Purple protein? If you think we’re not passing through the meat section wondering where to pick up our purple tenderloins, Mrs. First Lady, then you don’t know America.
“As long as [our plates are] half full of fruits and vegetables, and paired with lean proteins, whole grains and low-fat dairy, we’re golden,” she said. “That’s how easy it is.”
…And now “golden”? We recognize Crayola’s eight basic colors as the visual building blocks of a healthy society, but only on special occasions and the Olympics should gold, silver, and the like be considered acceptable additions. MyPlate’s aggression will not stand.
Now: American Dad!