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He Gave Us His iPad So That We Might Have Eternal iLife

by

Apple, iPad, Steve Jobs

I’m on an island right now 2500 miles from the continental United States, where Internet access is conducted via pineapple modem and news of Paul Newman’s death has only just reached people’s ears, but everyone — from the lowliest hula dancer to the kingliest pro surfer — is talking with the fervor of any young urban professional (that’s YUPPIE) about Apple’s latest God device, the iPad. IT’S HERE! AND WE’RE ALL ABSOLVED OF SIN!

While Apple is no stranger to idolatry, the amount of attention paid to this thing is just sort of staggering. We’ve spent the morning following Steve Jobs’ presentation. Then summarizing all that we’ve learned. And now, over on Twitter, we’re practically convulsing with our need to share those complicated emotions we’re feeling.

Some nerds are ecstatic.

Others are skeptical.

Many nerds poke fun at the situation with clever wordplay.

And some nerds are women, too.

As with any very real relationship, sifting through those strange and complex feelings can be a real bear. We’ve spent the better part of the last month, after all, OBSESSED with our new conquest. Imagining what he or she might be hiding under that slick veneer; wondering if we’d finally found everything we’d been looking for. Now that we’ve got him or her (is the iPad gender neutral?) in our grasp…well, we sort of don’t know what to do next. But you know what? I’ve got a suggestion:

It will probably be more sobering than an Apple keynote address and most likely feature 100% less black turtleneck and jeans (though what if…), but keeping up with our country’s most pressing issues is sort of a civic duty. And hey! — next year we can watch the thing on our iPads.

Jobs Bless Us All.

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7 Responses to “He Gave Us His iPad So That We Might Have Eternal iLife”

  1. Christine Espy Says:

    I’d assume the iPad is a ze (gender neutral pronoun). Hilar once again, friend. You even [sort of] made my fb status.

    • Henning Says:

      Honored! So we’ll consider the iPad something like “Pat” from SNL (already too perfect, considering they’re only one letter different) and call it a day.

  2. Nola Keding Says:

    Lots of of bloggers aren’t really pleased with this new iPad.There was 2 much hype about it and lots of blogers got turned off.Thing is, I for one see some of the awesome potential uses of this gizmo. Third-party apps for working with music, games, papers and magazines and books, tons of neat stuff, but they just didn’t really sell it properly (excluding the books). It looks kinda undercooked

  3. ChrissyOne Says:

    There could not have been less official hype about the iPad. Apple said absolutely nothing about it until Steve’s keynote. The whole ‘hype’ complaint is leveled at Apple a lot, but really should be directed at Apple fans.

    • Henning Says:

      Oh, I totally agree. When I paint Steve Jobs as a god blessing the masses with his magic machines, it’s less a critique of the company’s shtick than it is of the insanity of fans rabid for all things shiny and Appled. That was the target of this post, anyway.

  4. Burns Says:

    I am thoroughly looking to checkout the iPad, and I am excited to see what sorts of gamez and applications will be programmed for it. I just don’t get the hang of some of the nitpicky criticisms in this blog. Size of the bezel?? Damn!

  5. What is iPad Says:

    What is iPad…

    Of note, Apple has reworked its office productivity suite, iWork, for the iPad. Furthermore, the demo highlighted how having a larger touch- screen interface can create all sort of innovations to make using these core applications easier to use. In con…

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