In which we (I) fail once again to produce an actual post, but talk about posts that are coming soon. I swear. I’m really not kidding, guys.
It’s easy to talk. We all say absurd things we can’t possibly back up; make outrageous claims that, given a quick Google search, will most assuredly be proven false. The bulk of us are liars and snake oil salesmen, wrapping our fiction in pretty bows and winking to the audience as we sell a load of crap to naive, trusting townsfolk.
But that is not Lifting Fog*!
We may not be much for consistency — I think I wrote eight times this summer? — but we are truth-tellers through and through, dedicated to fulfilling our promises no matter how long or hard-fought the road to publication. And now, with summer bottling up its last golden rays, the time seems more fitting than ever to let you in on our forthcoming stabs at blog satisfaction. A look ahead:
— Haiku Reviews of Inglourious Basterds, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Funny People, and Up. “But aren’t all of those movies, like, out of theaters?” Umm, aren’t the DVDs coming out soon? TIMELY.
— “The Great NYC Burger Tour,” first announced…half a year ago, will be kicking off with write-ups of M2M, Corner Bistro, and Shake Shack. A feast for the eyes! Or something!
— “U R a Gay Retard: EW.com’s All-Star Commenters Raise their Voices,” a collection of criticism, threats, and stalkerish notes sent to me in my time recapping America’s Got Talent for Entertainment Weekly’s website.
— Excerpts from Swedish author Fredrik Colting’s banned-in-the-US sequel to The Catcher in the Rye, which follows a 76-year-old Holden Caulfield and his never-ending battle with the “phonies” — most of whom seem these days to work at Old Country Buffet.
— “What Should I Get Engraved on my iPod?” reader submission contest. Make yourself heard!
— The heavily researched “Henning vs. Modern Art,” in which I say brave new things about dumb paintings I saw at MoMA. Sample: “How is an all-red canvas with a green band down the middle considered art?! I could do that!”
— New additions to the RESOLVED files, including “RESOLVED: Paper Heart is Flat-Out Terrible” (it doesn’t deserve a full review) and “RESOLVED: People Die.”
— Getting to know Arthur Kade, a budding actor and professional narcissist who may or may not be the best performance artist of all time.
— “Growing Up Muggle,” a sappy reflection on the Harry Potter series and everything it’s meant to me, Steve, and others who aged (at least for some time) directly alongside the characters and who are now adults that think it’s acceptable to wear “wizard robes” in public. Therapy doesn’t work if you’re an Occlumens!
— And so much more! (We’ll see!)
In short: don’t give up on us, guys! Lifting Fog is still in its infancy, which, if we’re to take this metaphor all the way, means we have yet to be potty-trained, or get all our immunization shots, or learn to properly use the English language. We are a BABY, and should be given the requisite leeway. Thanks!