Average Age for 1st Cell Phone is 8 (Which is Still Not Low Enough)

Yo baby, gimme them digits!

Yo baby, gimme them digits!

Straight from the early morning presses today comes a report from CrunchGear (a subsidiary of one of my favorite sites, TechCrunch, but NOT to be confused with TechGear lolzorz) that states that the average age for a human’s first cell phone is at the tender age of 8 years old. If you read the fine print from the folks over at Telegraph, the facts are less than compelling, but it doesn’t change the fact that the number 8 is still far too high.

I had a cell phone when I was 4, a BlackBerry when I was 9, and an iPhone by the time I was 14. Don’t bother checking any timelines though; given that it’s Wednesday, I’m on the LOST time-tripping clock. Spoiler Alert: Sawyer is Ben’s father?! All theories aside, I think it’s time we quit babying our babies. I mean, what are they, babies? I was navigating DOS playing Commander Keen when I was 5, and look how far I’ve come: a blog, an iPhone, a blog you can read from an iPhone, and an enormous sense of self-worth. Infinitely fulfilling and rewarding life? CHECK.

If we want to win the next space race against China or anyone else who thinks they’re (incorrectly) entitled to exploring space other than us, we need to get our younglings outfitted with smartphones ASAP. The sooner we get them texting and surfing in a mobile environment, the better off we’ll be. Do you want to be the one to tell your grandkids (over a 6G connection in the future, mind you) that the reason we’re all communists is because you thought lil’ Johnny didn’t need a cell phone until his 10th birthday rather than his 6th? No, I didn’t think so.

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One Response to “Average Age for 1st Cell Phone is 8 (Which is Still Not Low Enough)”

  1. Craig Says:

    T9 is the new Speak & Spell. Good thing those didnt have a proper keyboard in order to teach us how to type…

    great entry btw.

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