Punxsutawney Phil Does Nothing to Allay Recession Woes

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The bad news (as always, preceded by some unoffensive good news) 20 seconds from the end:

So against a backdrop of ongoing economic crisis and the harsh realization that yes, Slumdog Millionaire will win Best Picture, we also have to contend with six more weeks of winter. Thanks, Phil! Today’s 52 degree heat in New York (Editor’s note: DJ Steve, shut up about California) does raise questions about the groundhog’s weather forecasting abilities, but if Groundhog.org’s FAQs are to be taken seriously, the impact of Phil’s prognostication will be felt soon enough.

“You want a prediction about the weather, you’re asking the wrong Phil. I’ll give you a winter prediction: It’s gonna be cold, it’s gonna be grey, and it’s gonna last you for the rest of your life. ” – Phil Connors, Groundhog Day

Optimism!

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3 Responses to “Punxsutawney Phil Does Nothing to Allay Recession Woes”

  1. JES Says:

    Man, I wish that poor animal would turn on its handlers just once. (They probably dope it up to minimize the likelihood.) It’s gotta be thinking to itself, like, What, AGAIN? Didn’t these jackasses just do this a year ago?

  2. Henning Says:

    A little “Phil Gone Wild” action would definitely make for interesting G-Day headlines next year. Honestly, I’m surprised this hasn’t already been made the premise of some crappy Dreamworks animated movie like Madagascar.

    I find myself depressed when I think about Punxsutawney Phil and his situation. You could make the argument that animals “don’t feel” (in the emotional sense), I guess, but to have your purpose in life broken into a binary “Spring/Winter” decision every February… that’s off the charts sad*. FREE THE GROUNDHOG.

    * Though chances are they use a different groundhog every year, and may not even keep him/her/them in captivity, and if they DO keep him/her/them in captivity it’s with the cushiest possible surroundings. So I don’t know. Animal rights stuff is way outside Lifting Fog’s realm of understanding.

  3. Jean Says:

    Apparently, the Staten Island groundhog DID turn on his handlers and he bit Mayor Bloomberg…

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