Big to-do in the capital today, I’m told, but my awareness of current events is muddled somewhat by the plastic bubble in which I’m encased. I didn’t tell you? I’m a Stage Five germaphobe and on the advice of my physician/therapist have spent the last five years of my life in a totally sterile environment. No human contact outside my parents; no physical activities except fogging (LMAO) the bubble and writing my name. That one’s fun. If you’re wondering how I was able to report on topics as diverse as Lost, Chuck, and 30 Rock these past few months it’s because scripted television is one of the few “normal” things I can really enjoy. Any other post written by “Henning” was more than likely fabricated by my dad, who takes dictation when I have something to say. Just once I’d like to touch his beard. I mean, if it weren’t so full of harmful bacteria.
Point is, the spectrum of experiences I can cover here is limited to those things put directly in front of me. That’s not a whole lot. Besides television, I’ve basically got a Power Rangers poster and my door. Jealous? It’s a great door, to be fair, it’s just that the subject of movable barriers (at least in a purely utilitarian context) doesn’t offer much in the way of exhaustive study. I’d kill to have an armoire.
You’re probably wondering why, if I’m able to watch television (and this is satellite we’re talking about), I don’t use news programming as a way to keep up with the cold, cruel outside world. I could be watching CNN, MSNBC, C-SPAN – any number of channels devoted entirely to covering the news – and educating myself, staying at least somewhat connected to the stuff outside my bubble. I should cling to this like a plastic lifeline, right? Thing is, though, life is safe in here. No wars, no famine or poverty; I can ignore all those events unpleasant or potentially bubble-unfriendly. While admittedly… limited, my world is germ-free and fabulous. Plus “go to your room” means nothing when you literally can do nothing but. Score!
I did hear that today’s was overwhelmingly good news, but even now I’m hesitant to change my viewing habits. If it means anything, I’m not the biggest Maury fan, either.