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Oh, Hi! So…

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My bad.

To explain my month-long vacation from Lifting Fog (shorter than the last one by two weeks!) would mean painful recollections of Russian Roulette tournaments, extraterrestrial probing, and drug addiction, so I figured I’d spare the grisly deets and just say I’M BACK and I’M SORRY and CAN YOU EVER FORGIVE ME. A question mark seems unnecessary because I know you will.

Not that I deserve it. According to the ever-reputable Wikipedia, blogs are typically updated “on a consistent basis” and with an eye toward “charting current events, whether public or personal or both.” I could argue semantics all day long with the world’s favorite collaborative encyclopedia (… or just re-write the article) but in the spirit of the New Year, I’ll instead own up to subpar results. I failed my blog test. DJ Steve gets a check plus.

But is it really possible for the little guy (so not THIS or THIS) to truly stay on top of things in an age where information moves faster than Maniac Magee? By the time I finish this sentence, its subject will already be ten seconds in the past. Now this one, too. And so forth. It’s enough to drive you astronaut-lady crazy. This paragraph just ended. You know what else happened? Ten million babies were born and Moveon.org sent me six e-mails. Serenity now!

The only way to tackle the present with any real dexterity is to anticipate the future. Or better yet to flat-out preempt it, Marty McFly style. We don’t have a DeLorean, it’s true. And despite all our efforts on Craigslist, we’ve barely got any plutonium. Still, absent those things, we do have something to get us going. That time-tested paragon of year-end optimism, that January boon for gyms everywhere: The New Year’s Resolution. We can be the best versions of ourselves in 2009!

If the four pages I wrote are any indication, I’ve got a long way to go. Included below are the printable entries (most of the rest involve… weird stuff), PHASE ONE in my personal rebuilding process. If I stick to these – and I will at least try – it will only mean better writing for Lifting Fog and a better blog experience for YOU. If I don’t… well, you’re pretty familiar with the vacation routine. See you in March!

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Henning Fog New Year’s Resolutions 2009 or Things That Could Stand A Revised Approach, Starting January 1st… Or Maybe The 3rd Or So

– Do not use Facebook as a way to build some demented, fake biography for the mildly cute girl you talked to last night.
– Reclaim Lifting Fog. DJ Steve is a Somali pirate hijacking our cargo ship of words.
– Stop thinking of DJ Steve as a Somali pirate.
– Run everyday. Get lean. Feel better about your body. Throw away “I’m genetically predisposed to heaviness” claim.
– Find a charity organization you can get involved in. Yeah? I don’t know. Maybe.
– The Seth Cohen era ended in 2007; it’s all Jonas Bros. now. Stop being neurotic and self-pitying and get curly hair. Stop using the expression “J.D. Salinger fever dream” in conversation.
– Become a real wiz at something, like that time you were really good at Guitar Hero before everyone else started playing. Think outside the box; it should be something obscure, like Mahjong or knitting.
– Say ‘yes’ to everything!

… It’s a start. See you all back here tomorrow!

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2 Responses to “Oh, Hi! So…”

  1. factsoflife Says:

    Curly hair isn’t the answer. Trust me.

  2. Captain Jack Says:

    what no mention of Tickles, the Mighty MIghty , and that women’s basketball team from WVA? Welcome back Grasshopper.

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