I’m Going Back To Jersey


The late, great LL Cool J (Editor’s note: LL resides in Manhasset, NY with his wife and four children) has got my mind on loop once again (the last time was his hit “Doin’ It”, just check those repetitive chorus lyrics). This time it’s his classic track “I’m Going Back To Cali.” On the contrary, I am going back to Jersey this week, but given that Cali and Jersey have the same amount of syllables and rhyme scheme I think the comparison is fair. But is the comparison fair beyond the point of semantics? I thought I’d take a moment and reflect on some of the things I’ve learned  since moving across the country nigh on 6 months ago. (Note: these are just a few things).

  1. The saying “it’s always sunny somewhere in the world” (is that a saying?) is unquestionably true. While the saying most likely pertains to the fact that the world operates in different time zones, I realized after moving to SoCal that the saying is much more appropriate in describing the climate of Los Angeles. To this day, it hasn’t rained more than 5 times since I moved here. Suck it, Quillayute, WA.
  2. Owning a dog gives you the right to bring it with you anywhere you want (regardless of health and safety codes and rules of common courtesy). I don’t own a dog. But if I did, I wouldn’t think twice about walking it around the dining area of your restaurant/bar, the halls of your company, or the place where you buy your food. Despite the fact that not everyone is a “dog-person,” I can (and will) parade my slobbering flea-bag around in front of you to make you feel somehow wrong and guilty for NOT being a “dog-person.”
  3. The term “traffic” isn’t broad enough to describe a situation involving the stoppage of car flow on a freeway. There are many kinds of “traffic” in Los Angeles. There’s the kind where your car is stopped behind 7 other cars and you observe a festival of lights where the light changes from red to green to yellow to red to green to yellow to red to …(etc.). There’s the kind where a $400,000 Lamborghini  is flipped over on an exit ramp and everyone slows down to A) admire the craftsmanship of the automobile, now laid out across the pavement like a Lego set, or B) to see if there is someone famous being put into an ambulance or screaming at someone on their iPhone.

The fact of the matter is I could go on and on about the things I’ve learned since moving to Los Angeles, but there just aren’t enough hours in the day to elaborate after you subtract playing Rock Band 2 for 6 hours and watching Friday Night Lights for 7. While I look forward to my return trip to my old stomping grounds, I do not look forward to the weather. I hear it’s cold in Jersey this time of year.

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2 Responses to “I’m Going Back To Jersey”

  1. JES Says:

    [grinds teeth in envy]

    Like… certain others in my family, I’m not much of a sunshine-and-warm-temperatures person. (I’ve learned much about irony since choosing to live in Florida 15 years ago.) So when I think of northern climes in winter, aside from family the overwhelming nostalgia is for quaint notions like “seasons.”

    Will you continue to post in your absence? Will Henning? Or is this a hiatus for The Fog?

    (If so, I look forward to several weeks of intense fanfic and speculation about what the new season will hold. Perhaps a trailer is in order.)

  2. DJ Steve Says:

    It’ll probably be quite the opposite. There’s not much of anything going on in Jersey, as usual, so I’m sure I’ll be blogging til I’m blue in the face

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