As if the web’s current capacity wasn’t already filled to the brim with metadata surrounding Apple products and their praises (people in the know) and jeers (people who just rebooted Vista… again), I plan to pack a little more cranberry sauce in before the whole thing explodes or goes to bed early in a food coma. Reader’s note: this should not be considered brave new content, indeed a quick browse of Yahoo! Answers will demonstrate the fact that even your little sister has realized even the most technical of the iPhone’s shortcomings. But more and more I’ve been noticing little things that make me yearn for the next technological breakthrough to come and dominate my pick-up lines and web browsing patterns. We’ll keep this short, as no one ever reads to the end of these anyways. Apple, consider yourself warned.
- The inability to use many native applications in landscape mode (allowing for the bigger keyboard). It seems almost silly to think that when you want to jam out a text to alert your friends to the ass you’re staring at on the bus (or alert your friends to the fact that you purchased the Lich King despite your best efforts to stay “sober”) you have to do so in a highly cramped fashion. SMS and email in standard keyboard mode? What is this, OS 9 Classic?!
- The inability to send picture messages. Admittedly, this was not high on my list of problems… until I wanted to propose to my future wife using geo-tagged photos from Paris and Rome. Or the time I wanted to send my roommate a photo of the menu at Wendy’s so I didn’t have to read the whole goddamn thing to him. Seriously, if you don’t know your Wendy’s order by now, stick to BK. But honestly, no picture messaging on a phone that has a 2.0 megapixel camera? Who were the ad wizards that came up with that one? AND, there’s no video. How will YouTube expect to survive?
- Finally, and probably the worst of all: the inability to copy and paste things within the iPhone’s framework. Is there some sort of patent held by the fruit on this? That’s the only logical reason I can think of as to why the leading multimedia smart phone won’t even allow you to copy an address from an email into Google Maps.
But even if a half-wit like me can brainstorm these ideas in a poorly written blog post, why can’t those Maserati-driving Cupertinian (pronounced Coop-er-tee-shin) programmers do the same? Obviously, they must have, but what troubles me as to why, 2 years after the launch of the first iPhone, 10 million plus sales later, they are still leaving us hanging. I guess I’ll just go put on my Dashboard Confessional iTunes playlist and Shazam my way into a deep sleep with the hopes that when I wake up, my wildest iPhone fantasies will have come true.