All kidding aside, this blog has served the masses our relatives for years weeks. But while we often go to great lengths to make semi-educated attempts at humor, I think its time we took stock on where we all stand with a week until the 2008 Election. This is a turning point for the United States of America. For the authors of this blog, it is arguably the single most important election of our time (pause for older readers to meddle to themselves about every other election before 1988)… The two opposing sides couldn’t be more different and no matter who is elected, I think we can all agree that this country is in line for widespread, must-needed change. It should be clear to most lucid, self-respecting individuals that the last 8 years have culminated in a massive failure of America’s long running, well-oiled Government machine. Deep breath. But let’s get serious about the issues:
- Sarah Palin has spent as much donated campaign money on clothes as Paris Hilton does in a week. I frankly, could care less. Maybe its because I have an older sister or maybe its because I’ve always had a profound respect for the modern-day image of women presented in Clueless, but I don’t foresee a time when the phrase “Girls be shoppin'” will ever lose its stature. If the Republican Party decides that the best way to spends its hard-earned cash is on Palin’s walk-in closet, so be it. Its not as if Joe the Plumber doesn’t make enough to buy his possible future daughters Guess jeans and Gucci sunglasses. Right?
- Joe the Plumber will make enough money (if he buys his own plumbing business) to qualify for Obama’s tax increase for the wealthy. Seriously, I get the argument. One time I opened a lemonade stand and made $10 in one day but my mom made me give half to my sister because she wasn’t smart enough to conceptualize the idea of putting the stand on a cross-street instead of in the middle of the block. But will anyone lose any sleep if Joe the Plumber has to pay more money in taxes (doesn’t he owe some already?) so that our government can try to eliminate the massive deficit put in place by his own party? That’s an easy one. Has anyone ever lost any sleep over anything a plumber’s done or not done? Besides figuring out how to do this of course.
- Barack Obama has ties to William Ayers which makes him a terrorist. God help me if I ever run for office. I think I traded a Juicy Juice box for a Swiss Cake Roll in 3rd grade with Scott Peterson. P.S. I got the better deal: I got the Swiss Cake Roll (they come 2 in a pack). Also, I’m not on death row. But seriously, let’s run through the list of all the shady, non-law abiding people that every president elect has ever come into contact with. Last time I checked, Ronald Reagan was an actor before he took office. In the 1930s. A time when I’m pretty sure heroin was still considered a cure-all drug. Especially in Hollywood. Needless to say, I think its fruitless to discuss who shared who’s bed with who, unless we’re talking about Gossip Girl and then you know I’ll be blogging about it and making phone calls to swing states.
I apologize for the long post but sometimes all this serious stuff gets me riled up. That being said, I’m going to sit down with a tall glass of American-made milk and a plate of USA born-and-raised Oreos and remember that no matter who wins next week, I’ll still be able to eat my weight in calorie-rich snacks and fall into a food coma until the next election comes ’round.