Why Can’t Wii Be Friends


Warning: This post is intended only for those interested in videogames. Ladies, there will be more on Gossip Girl soon.

I’m tired of playing with myself. Don’t get me wrong – the solo Wii experience is great, on par with any classic Super Nintendo or N64 game-playing moment I’ve sadly filed under “childhood memories.” Whether slaying shadow beasts in The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess or rounding up sissy stars in Super Mario Galaxy, swinging my Wiimote around is always satisfying. But there’s a community of gamers out there just like me; a worldwide league of devoted Nintendorks itching to make that wirelessly connected via the Internet human connection. Are you one of them?

Let’s be friends! Or at least, let’s challenge each other to slightly less anonymous online rounds of Mario Kart Wii, Dishwashing Champion, and Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Fast wireless capabilities make connecting to Nintendo’s Wi-Fi Channel a snap, and exchanging friend information is – wait… no, not so easy. Nintendo’s software engineers, possibly more socially retarded than their gaming audience, decided to forgo the Xbox Live model and opt instead for the most labyrinthine way possible of bringing friends together. “Friend Codes” are assigned to each game copy, which must be exchanged in real-time for friends to connect and play. It’s annoying as hell, the result of which is I’ve so far only played with one friend (hi, Tian!) and have two half-completed friend requests. It’s like trying to obtain a student visa.

ANYWAY, to speed the friendship process along and get down to missing out on real physical activity playing online with YOU, I thought I’d include my friend codes below. If you dig my style, leave your own codes in the comments section. Be warned, though – I’m balls nasty at Kart. Read my brother’s testimonial, circa 1998:

It’s so stupid I hate the way Henning kicks my butt every time we play. Plus he cheats! Yesterday I got the red shell and shot it at him but it missed. I beat him one race, that’s it, then he kept beating me. I think he used a cheat code. Plus he has like no friends! I am the most popular kid in my grade. You can ask my teacher. Dad said he would do something about it because it isn’t fair that he’s older and more experienced. I will be so much better when I’m 12. Mom is taking me and Bryan to see Armageddon tomorrow night, which is cool. That’s all!

Play me if you dare:

Mario Kart Wii: 4640-0039-5826
Super Smash Bros. Brawl: 4725-9032-7583

… If you don’t own a Wii, buy one. Just make sure to avoid Wii Fit. See you online!


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10 Responses to “Why Can’t Wii Be Friends”

  1. DJ Steve Says:

    haha Anker quote is great

  2. Tian Xie Says:

    Hi Henning!

    I must comment that I agree with your brother. Henning just kept on beating me and my roommate Nick. He totally uses cheat codes and has no friends! I’ll get you back on Smash Bros.

    I’m happy that our mutual experience on the Wii Wifi connection inspired a blog post. Perhaps I should make a sister post on my own blog.

  3. Henning Says:

    Anker was always an advocate for fair play. As for friends, all I can say is “I’m working on it” and pray like I’ve done every night for the last ten years. It’s bound to happen sooner or later, right?

    Smash Bros.? I’m SO down.

    Sister post? DO IT.

  4. Nick Says:


  5. Tian Xie Says:

    I’ve already come up with a title to my sister post… Yes, Wii can!

  6. Henning Says:

    Sounds like a real winner, though I think “That’s Not Change Wii Can Believe In” could really open up your blog to the Evangelical crowd.

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