Archive for the ‘“News”’ Category

Making the Most of Hurricane Irene

August 26, 2011

We feel you, New York (and Friends). Not only did you suffer through an out-of-nowhere earthquake earlier in the week and learn of the demise of Derek Jeter’s relationship with the Sexiest Woman Alive, now you’re wrapped around the corner of Duane Reade waiting to buy cigarettes and paper towels in preparation for a potentially awful storm. Hurricane Irene, that bitch, is about to make your weekend miserable.

But the benefit of sunny, uppers-fueled Los Angeles living has seen the Weather Tracking team at Lifting Fog working hard to think of fun solutions to your impending doldrums. Our first thought — “movies to watch” — was already written up by Videogum. Then Thought Catalog went ahead and compiled a handy 20-something survival guide. “What’s left to say?” we thought. “What can we offer that the other guys can’t?” Then we really dug deep — considered the skills and perspective we alone possess, that we might bestow on our readers — and figured it out: dumb videos held together by the lightest possible editorial. And so without further preamble, we arrive at our Way to Make the Most of Hurricane Irene: go hurricane surfing or something.

Keep reading!

The [Burger King] King is Dead. Long Live the King.

June 4, 2011

Food World, June 2011: it’s all changing, everywhere! First Mark Zuckerberg vows to only eat what he kills (inciting the Winklevoss twins to say the same thing, a few days later). Then the USDA tells us we picked the WRONG GEOMETRIC SHAPE to guide our well-balanced diets. And now — maybe three times as sad as either of those — Burger King decides to change tacks with its menu and overall design. You’re not crying yet? Consider that soon lost to the annals of fast food history will be its bizarre/genius Facebook initiatives; its line of Whopper-scented cologne (one presumes). But most significantly, undoubtedly, will be the loss of maybe the most disturbing mascot ever to grace a national commercial or fuel our collective nightmares. The Burger King…King is about to be sacked.

(Note: From here the royal icon will be referred to as “The Burger King,” his place of rule “BK.”)

Keep reading!

“Add Me on MyPlate,” A Fox News Special Report

June 4, 2011

Thursday afternoon the US Department of Agriculture, working alongside known Communist Michelle Obama, threw away the solid-as-a-rock Food Pyramid we’ve all known since First Grade and replaced it with a redesigned model: a food plate, “MyPlate,” that streamlines the American nutritional message. USDA Deputy Director of the Center for Nutrition Policy and Promotion Robert C. Post says they hope this new model will lead to the “behavior changes…we really need.” But are they changes we really want? And at what cost?

GONE are the colorful images of cereal (grains) reminding us that TV’s Jerry Seinfeld was, for all his sins, a consciously healthy eater; nowhere to be found are the peanuts and saltines and cheese blocks so paramount to our childhood growth, and parties. In their place now are colored pie slices, not even properly aligned, that serve only to confuse the discerning food shopper. Sure, green vegetables everyone gets. But blue dairy? Purple protein? If you think we’re not passing through the meat section wondering where to pick up our purple tenderloins, Mrs. First Lady, then you don’t know America.

“As long as [our plates are] half full of fruits and vegetables, and paired with lean proteins, whole grains and low-fat dairy, we’re golden,” she said. “That’s how easy it is.”

…And now “golden”? We recognize Crayola’s eight basic colors as the visual building blocks of a healthy society, but only on special occasions and the Olympics should gold, silver, and the like be considered acceptable additions. MyPlate’s aggression will not stand.

Now: American Dad!

What’s the Deal with The Rapture?

May 20, 2011

It’s important to begin any kind of discussion of tomorrow’s foretold event with one clarification: the world isn’t going to end on May 21st, 2011.

…It’s going to end five months LATER, after the pious and penitent have had time to settle into their new Heavenly digs and the rest of us are too deep into football season (if it happens) to really care too much. Jesus is nothing if not one for delivering the unexpected encore!

But what is the Rapture? Will God’s chosen be pulled to Heaven on a ray of alien light, drawn skyward as though by tractor beam? Will they simply drop dead at the dinner table, parted from their weak manflesh? Are there some other heretofore un-imagined means by which they’ll be transported to their final reward? No one knows! Which makes the Vegas odds on this thing something of a disaster, but the countdown to 6pm — when it’s all supposed to go down — that much more captivating. If God’s hand literally scoops His elect people off the streets and into white satin robes and non-alcoholic beer, I am going to be a VERY RICH MAN for my last five months on Earth.

Keep reading!

Gypsies 1, Internet 0

April 8, 2011

While the US Federal Government prepares to go on a vacation from which we all hope they’ll return with t-shirts and souvenirs, it’s important to distract ourselves with less depressing news. Thankfully, there is always someone out there who knows EXACTLY what we need.

Several days ago an elderly Georgian “pensioner” (which in the Caucasus region is of course code for “gypsy”) digging for scrap metal in the town of Ksani accidentally struck a large fiber-optic cable…and summarily cut off Internet connections to both Georgia and neighboring Armenia. It’s a deep, convoluted story, but let’s really try to unpack this thing piece by piece:

1) Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha–

2) “Many Georgians’ Internet connections were also briefly cut in 2009 by another scavenger who damaged the fibre-optic cable.”

3) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA–

There’s something so…achingly perfect in the image of a 75-year-old woman unknowingly hacking away at an entire country’s Internet connection. Especially when it’s a real image, not even dreamt up (who would dream about that……right?) or composed for a Bergman-inspired student film! In a world so dependent on tethered computers that allow us to compare Doodle Jump scores while writing blog posts no one will read, all it takes to bring everything to a grinding halt is a persistent gypsy with a worn-out shovel. Life is BEAUTIFUL.

April Fool’s: ‘Revenge of the Nerds’ in Holiday Form

April 1, 2011

It’s by now mid-day on the 1st of April, which means someone in your office has already dyed the water cooler orange and your homepage has been changed not twice, but eight times to Bieberfever.com. APRIL FOOL’S, Y’ALL! It’s as much in our DNA to prank each other as it is to breathe and urinate, which makes today something of a nationally cathartic experience. We don’t have to hide that part of ourselves, relegating it to chat rooms where we pretend to be hot younger women or fake “dude, my mom’s dead” rejoinders. (Pranked!) We can live our lives OUT LOUD.

But no group gets more out of today than nerds. Or more specifically, nerds who also program web content. (Within the hierarchy of nerds it should be noted that while all nerds are computer experts, some are more expert than others.) Ten and twenty years ago, the guys who are today responsible for everything you do online were getting their heads dunked in toilets and watching their lunch money disappear. “I swear, Mom, the money literally disappeared. What else do you want me to say?” Their moms would give them wedgies before sending them off to karate class, which helped nothing, and again before bed. “You need to learn to HIT BACK, Sergei!” said Mrs. Brin as she pulled and twisted, a look of bizarre pleasure on her face.

Keep reading!

Are We Entering A Post-Piracy Era Of Music?

September 1, 2010

With the announcement today of new iPods and a new iTunes, I think it’s time we reflected on how far we’ve come since the days of Napster and the wild west of music downloading. Along with the introduction of brand new iPods, etc. come some cold hard facts about music downloads in the current music retail climate. The numbers are fairly impressive, at least from an iTunes standpoint. In little more than a decade, iTunes has become the largest music retailer on the planet. Translation: people are buying music. This doesn’t mean that there aren’t twice as many people still downloading music illegally, but it’s a significant change that’s worth noting.

I had an enlightening moment two days ago when I went to download a Prince song (…illegally). I wasn’t looking for an entire album (BitTorrent), but only a single track from Prince’s seminal Purple Rain. How to get it? All my previous methods of obtaining a song illegally have been exhausted. LimeWire has lost in court, the other P2Ps having dropped out years ago. Even Lala, a site I had high hopes for in its golden era, has been shut down. I chuckle to myself as I realize I have nowhere to go but Amazon or iTunes to procure the track I’m looking for. What has the world come to?

Keep reading!

Even If You Don’t Understand, Buzzwords Will Make You Sound In-The-Know

June 8, 2010

The moment I knew the BP oil spill was serious was the first time I heard the term “top kill.” As an avid video game enthusiast, hearing the term during my morning commute tuned into KCRW, Los Angeles’ NPR affiliate, was like a shotgun firing down my spine. In my semi-delusional state (I’ve taken to drinking coffee after arriving at work to allow for maximum sleepage), the words top kill awoke me from fading away into the gray skies of the Angeleno dubbed June Gloom. But whereas I assumed NPR was reporting on the new HALO: REACH beta testing, I became aware of something much more life-threatening and pressing. Within hours, people around me were using the term as if it were the first words they’d ever spoken. “Oh well, sure the top kill could work but what about all those fish!”… “Dude, no way the top kill will be successful”… It was as if I had awoken from a dream in a post-apocalyptic, blood-currency wasteland where people were using terms of weaponry and violence as water-cooler talk. Despite having a vague understanding of what the term meant, I couldn’t shake the Mad Max and Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 imagery from my mind.

This is classic of the media today, though. Whatever political pundit or news media doofus latched onto the term in a moment of elevated exasperation, the phrase was destined to become the talk of business meetings and lunchroom arguments alike. How many times in the last few years has the media created a term, or some government official spouted off a phrase that has become more than a viral video or internet meme, but an actual buzzword enveloped by the collective unconscious. People found themselves uttering the phrase, myself included, without warning or any effort to understand what it meant. A Google search results in mostly news articles but this gem is straight from the horse’s mouth: a jpeg diagram explaining the phrase from none other than BP. Click below to see bigger image.

Top Kill is an oil company operation, not the Hollywood re-boot of Top Gun

Of course the procedure didn’t work. With a name as buzzwordy as top kill it was never going to work. While I have yet to form any substantial opinion on the matters in the gulf, I do find it amusing that people use silly sounding explanations for things they don’t understand so quickly in this day and age. How can you not? If you sit at a computer with Facebook, Twitter, CNN, and The Huffington Post open in various tabs all day, it’s impossible to not succumb to it completely. I hope the government finds a solution soon though, or it will just become one more thing the Republicans can use against Obama next election [that they directly caused]. Just watch as Oil Spill is added to the list of Obama’s shortcomings including Failed War on Terror and Healthcare: all things that were created or failed under the guise of Republican foresight.

Obligatory Post-Oscars Post 2010

March 8, 2010

So the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences REALLY hates James Cameron. Not that The Hurt Locker didn’t deserve to clean up — it did in a big bad way — but one can’t help but look at the winners of categories like Sound Mixing or even Original Screenplay (which Cameron wasn’t nominated for, of course, but a vote for The Hurt Locker was a vote AGAINST Avatar) and not imagine the director’s peers flipping him off as they mail in their ballots. “Who’s Avatarded now?” laughs one Academy member to himself. “King of the world?” asks another. “You’re barely a prince!” And so on with the funny and original puns. For a lot of Hollywood, James Cameron is as easy to hate as a scum-sucking Republican!

But petulant dismissal of a STAGGERING CINEMATIC ACHIEVEMENT aside, the Academy did manage to do one thing right last night: naming Kathryn Bigelow Best Director, the first woman to win the trophy in the ceremony’s 82 years. You’re King Queen of the World, Kathryn! And LONG OVERDUE!

Photo from The New York Times

Not even Babs presenting the award (or Oprah’s wholly inappropriate appearance ten minutes earlier, but that’s an entirely different post…) could ruin what was an undeniably special and important moment in Oscar history. It meant too much; the victory was practically cosmic. And we’ve finally arrived, one hopes, at the beginning of a label-less era of film direction — one where “female” is no longer synonymous with “Nancy Meyers” (and “terrible”), but simply means that the person running the show…happens to have lady-parts. Equality, baby.

2010 Winter Olympics: Not Boring! (Part FIN)

March 4, 2010

Well, they’re over.

The 2010 Vancouver Games ended on Sunday night not with a dull whisper but with The Marriage Ref a boisterous, nonsensical roar — the most fitting capper possible to a two-week competition that, at every turn, proved more weird and entertaining than it had any right to be. Lifting Fog spent a few days during those two weeks celebrating the people and events that made this happen — see here, here, here, and here — but the Olympics being a HUGE INTERNATIONAL affair, we only really scratched the surface. What did we miss while we were doing keg stands at the Holland Heineken House?

It’s all after the jump!


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.