Newsweek publishes an article at least 4 times a year with a headline reading “Why They Hate Us,” usually referring to the Muslim world. As an avid American enthusiast (as of 01-20-2009), I am always on the lookout for reasons why they hate us. Today, I found one that encompasses everything we stand for as a people and country, and I found it at Domino’s Pizza.
Exhibit A (view from office)
By now I think it’s safe to say everyone has seen the newly advertised sandwiches featured at Domino’s. NOTE: If you haven’t, then you 1) don’t watch Adult Swim or any other program geared towards the 18-36 male demographic, 2) you don’t watch any TV at all, or 3) you are a terrorist. So which is it, readers? Today I decided to give these sandwiches a shot. I’d like to think of myself as a pretty big junk food enthusiast. For example, I’ve eaten Oreos everyday for the last 5 years (even when I had a stomach virus). The sandwiches look enticing enough, but the fact that there’s a Domino’s across the street from where I work (Exhibit A) was enough to convince me it was at least worth a block’s walk. What I discovered was nothing short of an exercise in excess as I delved into the dark and disturbing world of online pizza ordering.
Exhibit B (the Pizza Tracker)
Enter: the Pizza Tracker (Exhibit B). Domino’s web design team should be considered one of the best in the biz. They have created a system in which, upon ordering food from Domino’s online for delivery or carry out, you can actually track the status of the pizza making/sandwich sculpting process. In this case, Claudia was the employee in control of my destiny. Is this a product of our laziness? A testament to the extent of the modern information age? Or possibly a mix of both? All I know is that I was never more proud to own a laptop computer using hi-speed wireless internet to facilitate a transaction that could have taken place with face-to-face human interaction a mere block away from me (Exhibit A). Thank god I could judge Claudia on her progress (Exhibit B) from afar as opposed to in person.
Domino’s seamless web interface for ordering disgusting food and then tracking its progress is most assuredly a reason “Why They Hate Us.” I don’t know if Zakaria could have foreseen this kind of advanced example of purebred and proud Americana. Good thing they write this article every few months; whenever we develop a new way of perpetuating our laziness while rewarding our subconscious trust of computer screens over other human beings, everyone wins. Especially me.
Tags: Domino's Pizza, Oven Baked Sandwiches, Pizza Tracker, Why They Hate Us
January 26, 2009 at 4:54 pm |
this makes me almost want to order a pizza.
by the way you should add a digg link on this site. I dugg you:
http://digg.com/comedy/Why_They_Hate_Us_Americans_Muslims_Domino_s_Pizza_Web_App
heres a link to do this: http://blog.patyuen.com/lessons/howto_install_diggthis_plugin/
January 26, 2009 at 7:36 pm |
Thanks Jeff, we have been looking into this for some time but it has yet to come into fruition.
April 23, 2009 at 7:13 am |
[...] Last time I was riled up enough to comment on the pitiful state of American consumerism culture, the target was Domino’s: a national food chain that can sell us booger infused culinary delights and still have us calling each Tuesday for that 5-5-5 deal. But this time I’ve been excited by something much more local and entrepreneurial. A gourmet pet bakery can be found in almost place where money grows on trees and the only way to tell the difference between houses is by their number, but in Los Angeles County, they seem to have the monopoly on senseless ways to spend money during a recession. They beat out other popular options including 2) seeing Watchmen a 2nd time to make more sense of it and 3) spending $700 for sold out Bruce Springsteen tickets (I have a feeling he’ll be around next year, guys). As noted in the previous post in this series, the theme stems from a Fareed Zakaria article in which the famous Newsweek pundit attempts to define why the Muslim world doesn’t seem to like American Idol quite as much as we do. Now, I’m adding gourmet pet bakeries to the list. [...]
October 22, 2009 at 2:58 pm |
[...] foreign nationals to some of the worst examples of American music EVER. Chalk this one up to “Why They Hate Us“, Fareed Zakaria; if I had to listen to (Hed) P.E. more than ten seconds a day, I’d [...]